Sorry dating gods, we fucked up the algorithm.

Whoever invented the concept of dating needs to explain themselves. 

Or you know what, maybe we need to come clean and apologize: sorry dating gods, we fucked up the algorithm. 

Those guys obviously didn’t foresee that the humans of the 21st century ought to make things a lot more complicated. Remember the age-old formula they swore by?  

Guy meets girl. Girl meets guy. 

Sprinkle in compatibility, love, and commitment. 

The end. 

Well if it’s any surprise, it doesn’t work that way — or at least not anymore. 

Adult dating in this age has become the survival of the fittest. 

The best of the best. 

The permutation and combination of society’s prime singles into potential camaraderie turned compatibility. 

You have to be secure and independent.  

You have to be at a commendable level in your career and finances. 

You need to have some sort of fitness and diet regimen in place.

And amidst that work-life balance, don’t forget the hobbies. You don’t want to be called boring.  

Now, it’s time to meet someone. 

But wait. We forgot the big words. 

It’s time to meet someone organically and naturally. After all, that’s what we deserve. An organic and natural encounter amidst this chaotic beauty called life. 

A romantic relationship formed when we’re older is vastly different from that in our early stages. When we meet someone in our formative years, we course through life with them. We grow together with them as we grow older. We hold this person’s hand as we watch each other experience life and eventually mature into more self-aware individuals. We watch our partner become the person they aspire to be. 

When we’re adults, our know-how and moral compass is much more intact. Not only have we grown in age but our values and principles are more formed. We have a stronger grasp of what we hold importance onto versus what we don’t. 

We know ourselves more and we know what we want. And unknowingly, we carry on this mindset in the way we meet and date people. We tell ourselves — we know what we want so we ought to know who we want.

But do we? 

We know we have a checklist. We know of our worth. We know what we deserve. 

But these are things we want the other person to know. 

Behind what we put upfront as an initial cover is a deeper form of truth: our bare, vulnerable selves. Our fears. Our insecurities. Our traumas. Our triggers. 

What we truly know is what we don’t want them to know. 

It’s true that time has turned us into stronger individuals with a higher esteem towards our self-worth. But it has also made us uncover who we are at the very core. And often times, that person isn’t a sight to behold. 

Complex as you can imagine. 

Thriving at times, surviving at most. 

Beautiful some days, imperfect in all ways. 

And whether we like it or not, that’s the reality that the other person is bound to face.

But until that’s not yet out of the bag, we wade as much as we can. 

We hold it in, we try in our ways. 

We hold onto that hope for an organic meet even if we know that meeting new people is already difficult on its own. We tell ourselves we deserve the best because if one good thing can happen to us, it ought to be that someone. We put up a standard, an ideal because perhaps that person can be more than who we cannot be. 

We go on dating apps and set-ups to say that we gave it a try, even if maybe we never really gave ourselves a chance. Maybe we didn’t give that person a chance. We skirt around date after date, yearning for connection when we know that commitment isn’t the only issue but the fear of that person running away from our brokenness. 

If we can’t control the unpredictable algorithm of what entails life, maybe we can attempt to predict and manifest a person bound to enter our lives, ruled by our own terms.

No one said we don’t want butterflies in our stomachs anymore. It just has to come at the right time with the right person. No one said we don’t want the magic and awe a relationship brings. It just has to eventually be followed through with security and stability. No one said we don’t deserve the love we think we deserve. That love just has to look a certain way. 

As much as we want to welcome someone with humble and open arms, there’s always a knocking voice telling us that it shouldn’t be easy. Because things are never easy. 

But what if it was? 

Maybe the dating gods would contest that there was never an algorithm. 

Sure they would agree that dating isn’t easy. 

But we managed to make it harder than it should be. 

After all, when a person comes, they simply enter. 

And they only enter if we allow them to.